Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:00:11] Speaker B: What'S Worthwhile Healing Mind, Body and Spirit I'm Ramsey Zimmerman. I choose peace of mind, vitality of body, and joy of spirit over stress, exhaustion, or overwhelm. Together, let's explore and pursue the many ways to build holistic health and wellness.
[00:00:31] Speaker C: Hey there. It's Ramsay here.
Have you ever noticed that you live by rules you never chose?
Not the ones posted in law books or sitting in a workplace manual, but silent rules that live inside your head.
They show up in whispers like don't take on something like that again after a big failure.
Or in echoes from family voices. Don't make everyone look at you.
They're not written down, not even consciously considered. But they quietly steer your life.
They shape what you attempt, how you relate to people, and whether you step forward or shrink back. So it begs the question, what are the rules that run you and are they serving you well?
These self limiting beliefs come from many places.
Some are handed down by parents or siblings, repeated often enough in childhood that they become part of your wiring.
Others grow out of painful moments when something went wrong and you swore you would never risk that again.
Still others are born of fear or shame, built as defenses to protect you from hurt. And in one sense, they do protect you. They can give life structure. They can help you avoid repeating mistakes.
But the same walls that keep pain out can can block you from growing out.
I know I've got a whole host of deep self limiting beliefs that have governed my actions over the years.
Things like I should stay quiet and let others speak first more often and more loudly. After all, people really aren't that interested in what I have to say anyways.
I shouldn't try to convince anyone of anything that would be imposing myself on them.
I don't want to be in anybody's way.
I don't want to be a bother.
And no one really understands where I'm coming from anyway. I have too many weird, contradictory perspectives.
I don't know, maybe that's all true or maybe that's all bs. Who knows? What I do know is this.
Those beliefs led to and caused many years of hiding and isolation and silence on my part. I'm only now getting more comfortable with speaking out by talking into this microphone.
Of course, I still wonder if anyone's listening.
Hello? Anybody there?
I'd better get back to it.
Here is where stress comes in.
These rules do not just guide behavior.
They affect how much tension you carry inside.
A healthy set of internal rules, ones that are fair and realistic, can reduce stress. They create stability.
They help you know what to expect and how to act.
But unhealthy rules, self destructive, unrealistic, punishing rules can keep your stress dial turned way up high.
A rule like never speak unless you are absolutely certain might protect you from embarrassment. But it can also leave you tongue tied and anxious, worrying that every word could be wrong.
A rule like you should always try to please everyone. Might win you praise, but it will wear you out because it's impossible to live by.
So one way to take stock of your rules is to ask which ones calm me and which ones stress me out.
And it's not just about the rules we carry inside. It's also about the rules we hand out.
Without meaning to, we impose unspoken rules on others, especially people who look up to us.
Children, siblings, colleagues, and the people who report to us at work. We may not intend harm, but our repeated messages can become the invisible guidelines they live by. A parent's constant correction can form the rule. I must never get it wrong.
A boss's impatience can teach the rule. I can't ask questions.
A sibling's ridicule can carve the rule I'd better hide what I love.
None of us are trying to be abusive, but sometimes the rules we pass along are not doing anyone any favors. It is worth asking, what silent rules am I writing into the lives of the people around me?
There is a paradox to hidden rules. They can give structure and reduce stress, but they can also box us in and pile on more stress. They can help us fit in, but they can keep us from reaching out.
The challenge is not to erase them all. The challenge is to notice them, to decide with eyes open which to keep, which to discard and which to rewrite.
So let me ask you, what are the unspoken rules that govern your life?
Do they serve you well? Or do they quietly hold you back?
Do they bring you more peace of mind? Or do they increase your stress?
And what about the people in your life?
Are you passing on rules that help them flourish or ones that might be holding them down?
This week my guest taught me about ayahuasca.
He explained that this plant medicine is said to strip away those hidden rules, giving people the chance to see themselves and the world in a fresh way, unrestricted by our usual self limiting beliefs.
Whether or not that is your path, the lesson still applies. We all live by rules we did not choose.
But we do have the power to notice them, question them, and perhaps loosen their grip.
And for today, that is enough.
[00:06:17] Speaker A: Looking for more? Visit whatsworthwhile.net to listen to podcast episodes.
[00:06:22] Speaker C: Learn from books and articles and live.
[00:06:25] Speaker A: Better by choosing healthy products and practices. I'm now offering services through worthwhile advisors for personal coaching, professional advising, speaking and group facilitation. If you or your team are ready to reduce stress and anxiety, build vitality and momentum, and accomplish your goals without burning out, then please contact me, Ramsey Zimmerman, through the website or on social media like Instagram X or LinkedIn. Thanks.
