Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:00:11] Speaker B: What's worthwhile healing mind, body and spirit. I'm Ramsey Zimmerman. I choose peace of mind, vitality of body and joy of spirit over stress, exhaustion, or overwhelm. Together, let's explore and pursue the many ways to build holistic health and wellness.
[00:00:31] Speaker A: More guys need to be doing this and more guys need to wake up to the importance of, you know, their health and wellbeing. Because without your health and wellbeing, who are you? What are you if you're not managing it now? Again, I always push the dial forward. Five years from now, ten years from now, what's going to happen? And if you wait till that health crisis, that high blood pressure, that heart attack, that diabetes diagnosis, it's a lot harder to reverse than it is to manage.
[00:01:03] Speaker B: Hey there, it's Ramsay here. That was Stretch Raynor. Stretch is the founder of Midlife Mavericks and is a health and fitness coach based in Australia.
He enjoyed success in his early adult life, first in the corporate world and then as a gym owner. But despite looking like he was in amazing physical shape, Stretch's health was actually in a nosedive. And it wasn't until he worked with a functional doctor that they figured out what was really going on with him. We had a great conversation and talked a lot about why guys push through and basically ignore our weird health issues for as long as possible before ultimately addressing them. Today, Stretch works with men to face their situations, talk about things with other men, and get truly healthy.
Wondering what was going on with Stretch or even what the nickname is all about.
Well, listen in.
[00:01:56] Speaker C: Hey, Stretch. How are you doing today?
[00:01:59] Speaker A: Awesome. Thanks, Ramsey, thanks for having me on your show.
[00:02:02] Speaker C: Yeah, absolutely. I'm excited to talk to you.
You know, you're a, a trainer, a men's health coach, and the founder of Midlife Mavericks, which I want to hear all about. But first things first, Stretch. What's. What's up with the nickname? Tell me more about how you got that.
[00:02:21] Speaker A: A very good question, mate. And a lot of people ask, but believe me, you' I've had it since I was five and everybody calls me Stretch, so even my parents. I think the only person that called me Andrew was my. Was my grandparents for a long time.
But as a, as a little tacker, you know, I probably started school a little bit early and I was the smallest star in the school and I needed to be Stretched, apparently. So, yeah, that's where the name originally started. But it followed me through sport, it followed me through high school.
When I did work in the corporate industry, I'd sign My emails as Stretch. So everyone started to know me as Stretch even in the corporate world.
And then as a personal trainer obviously suits quite well. So it stuck with me until this point. And to be honest, a lot of people don't know my real name.
[00:03:04] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, well you already doxxed yourself, so I don't have to do that.
But I think it's good to have sort of a unique name. I don't know too many other Ramsey's. I guess there's a couple of them rolling around, but not too many.
And so Stretch, huh? So did you sort of feel like you had to stretch in a lot of ways? You know, as a kid you said you were, you know, kind of small, you know, did you have to sort of grow into that?
[00:03:32] Speaker A: Yeah, I was probably a little bit of a late bloomer. It wasn't until I sort of got to the age of maybe 13 or 14 until I started to shoot up. But up until then I was definitely the little tacker of the, of the classroom.
I don't know whether it affected me that much. I'm a pretty extroverted sort of person and yeah, I didn't let it sort of bother me too much. And to be honest, I didn't mind the nickname so it sort of stuck with me. My real name is Andrew for those who do want to know. But most of the Andrews I know don't go by the name Andrew. They've all got a nickname, especially here in Australia.
[00:04:03] Speaker C: So I understand you were in the corporate world till about 2010.
What were you doing in those early days?
What was your career like?
[00:04:14] Speaker A: Yeah, so I'll rewind back to my childhood a little bit. I think my passion was to be a pilot. I wanted to be a pilot, I wanted to fly jets, but I didn't really have the money to get into aviation and I thought maybe the Defense Force would be the way I'd go through there.
And I did apply for the Defence Force and unfortunately I did miss out on going for the pilot position. It was a pretty tough lot of testing and then when that sort of got rejected, I was like, well, I need to go and earn some money so that I can get my pilot's license. What else am I good at? And at the time my father was working for a telecommunication company here in Australia and he would bring home a lot of computers. He had a lot of laptops and computers and I'd play around with that sort of stuff and I thought, oh well, maybe I can go into computing and that will be a Good career for me to earn money and allow me to go and follow my passion or the dream I was having. I suppose so, yeah. I studied computer science and then I got into the corporate world working for one of the big financial institutes in Australia.
I was with them for probably four years in Melbourne and had a few mates that moved to the UK and I decided that, hey, that's a great opportunity, I can go to the uk, earn the pound and travel. So yeah, I put my job on hold in Australia and moved to the UK.
[00:05:30] Speaker A: To work in the corporate world there. Yeah, so it was the typical sort of, you know, go to school, go to uni, get a good education, you know, get a corporate job or get a good paying job, climb the corporate ladder.
You know, I think a lot of men sort of fall into that trap thinking that that will give them a sense of value, a sense of success, maybe purpose.
But yeah, I quickly found out that that definitely wasn't the career I wanted to continue with.
[00:05:58] Speaker C: Yeah, so what happened? What was sort of the impetus? What did you find out and discover that was not the career for you and what did you sort of pivot to next?
[00:06:10] Speaker A: Yeah, so the industry in the UK was very different to Australia. Like I was permanent staff in Australia and I came on board with the graduate program and I actually really enjoyed that.
It was a really well structured sort of organization and I got a lot out of that. When I moved to the uk, I was contracting and going in and out of different companies.
It just really felt like wasn't for me, like I'd leave work at the end of the day just feeling unfulfilled, like I'm making a big company, a lot more money or I'm helping a company grow, but what is that doing for the goodness of our society, of the world, of myself.
And just looking around the office said that the health and well being of the people who were around me, a lot of guys stressed, a lot of guys overweight, unhealthy, a lot of older guys experiencing health complications and me thinking, well, if I don't get out of this industry in 10 years or 15 years time, I'm going to be one of those guys, okay, I'm going to have the money. But is that really what's important to me?
And I felt that it wasn't aligning with my values.
So I was questioning, okay, what are my values? What do I want in my career?
At the time I was training for my first marathon, which was the London Marathon. So I was very much into running and endurance Sports. When I moved to the uk, just found it easy to be able to put the shoes on, go for a run or go for a swim or a cycle. And at the time I had a personal trainer and I was like, well, what a cool job. I get to hang out in the gym all day, I get to train people. The people that are here want to be here. It's good energy. I've got a passion for all things health and fitness. Why don't I try that?
So, yeah, I left my corporate job and stepped into the personal training role.
My daily salary in the corporate job probably became my weekly salary in the personal training job.
So it took a big pay hit. But, you know, it was something I was passionate about and I thought, well, I'm going to roll the dice here and give it a shot and see what happens.
If it doesn't work well, what's the worst that could happen? I can always go back to my corporate job.
[00:08:05] Speaker C: I'm not going to lose free gym membership if nothing else.
[00:08:08] Speaker A: Right, exactly that. So, yeah, I stepped into that. And to be honest, the first eight months were pretty tough. You know, long hours, early mornings, late nights, and financially things were going backwards in London with the expense of living there and trying to live off a minimum wage, really.
So I did step back into corporate fac. Six months. I went back into contracting, did another six month contract, saved that money and was always with the intention of like, all right, I'm going to go out and become a personal trainer and I'm going to build my own business and be successful with that.
You know, sort of after two and a half years of being in the personal training industry, I opened my own gym in London and it just grew exponentially from there.
So, yeah, no regrets. I look back at it now and just think, wow, what a journey.
[00:08:54] Speaker C: Yeah, so you opened the gym, you got that going.
And how did the gym business go? You know, that's always kind of hit or miss, right, in terms of whether it takes off and there's a ton of variables and right place and right time and all that stuff. How did that go?
[00:09:13] Speaker A: Yeah, we did really well. I mean, I was in a partnership. There were two other guys. We sort of came together to open the gym.
We were focused on pretty much the CrossFit model. But we weren't just teaching CrossFit, we had personal training. When we did other classes inside of the gym, we were in East London, a pretty trendy part of East London where there weren't too many gyms. And we hit the ground running. So in the first week, we probably had 200 people go through the gym. We were giving away free classes. Come and try it, see if you like it. Here's our deals on becoming a member. And the business took off after the first week. We had 100 signups and the gym grew to probably 200 to 300 members, depending on the time of the year. Everyone's pretty transient in London, in and out, summertime over there. Everyone's gone to Europe to enjoy the summer. And obviously Christmas time, you've got a lot of expats that are running back home to spend time with family.
So the membership sort of fluctuated up and down. But you were very successful, had a great gym model.
[00:10:07] Speaker A: And there were days where I would just pinch myself. You know, I'm sitting in this amazing gym space that we've built, thinking, is this real? Like, this is my job. I come to the gym every day and I hang out with people who want to be here, that want to train, who value their health and fitness. And I'm making an impact on a huge number of people's lives.
[00:10:26] Speaker A: But that came at its own cost as well, because I went from a career, maybe that I wasn't passionate about, into a career I was so passionate about that I gave my heart and soul to the gym. You know, at the start, we were working seven days a week. You're there 6am in the morning and you're there 9pm at night, back to back sort of thing.
Hiring staff, managing staff, looking after the gym, all the stuff that goes with that, some of the stuff that we're highly skilled in and other stuff we're fumbling our way through as we. As we go.
And again, it took its toll.
Burnout, health complications, probably over training, not taking care of myself as much as I should. Taking on too many responsibilities.
[00:11:06] Speaker A: Yeah, the business partnership wasn't great. There was a guy, one of the partners, who I didn't align with, had a different vision, a different idea of what he wanted the gym to become, which added extra stress to the sit.
[00:11:20] Speaker A: And again, it made me step back and think, well, as much as I love this job, as much as I love the gym, again, is this aligning with the man I want to be? And to be honest, my health was going backwards. And to me, that's a big value in my life.
And I made the decision that I needed to sell the gym and I needed to get back to Australia. I'd been in the UK for 10 years. I'd had the gym for five of those years.
And the plan was never to stay in the uk. The plan was always to come back to Australia. And I sold my shares to the other, the other partners and packed my bags and headed back to Australia.
And actually at that time, my health probably was the worst that had ever been. And it took me time to be able to heal, heal my health and figure out what was going on for me because I thought I was doing everything right. I had a good diet, I was training.
Yeah, okay. I had a lot of stress on my body from the high amount of work I was doing.
But yeah, I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was until I actually worked with a functional medicine practitioner.
[00:12:22] Speaker C: Yeah, you were, you were living the dream on paper at least.
[00:12:28] Speaker B: Right.
[00:12:29] Speaker C: You know, you successfully made that transition from the, you know, the corporate job to the business ownership. You know, you had the successful gym.
And of course, you know, if you're a personal trainer and working out and at the gym all the time, you have to be healthy. Right. By definition, because that's how it is. But that's not how it is, is it? So like, what, what was the thing.
[00:12:56] Speaker C: That.
[00:12:58] Speaker C: Was really missing, you know, what, what was tearing you apart? I mean, it's, it's the stress, right, so what was that doing to you?
[00:13:10] Speaker A: It was a combination of things and it was, it was ongoing and it sort of got worse over time. So, you know, trying to ignore it, trying to push through wasn't the smartest move or trying to think that I could fix it myself. Like, okay, I'm a personal trainer, I know everything about health and fitness. I'll just research it some more and I'll get on top of this, It'll be fine.
I was initially, I was doing a lot of endurance sports, a lot of marathons, triathlons, Ironman events. So the training volume that came with that was applying a lot of physical stress on my body along with all of the lifestyle stresses that I was facing. We can talk about the work stress, but we could even talk about the environment stress of living in a very polluted city, noise pollution, light pollution, air pollution, all these things that are impacting our body on a day to day basis. And over time that stress caught up with me and I realized that I started to have a lot of gut issues.
[00:14:00] Speaker A: Certain foods had set me off, you know, fatigue, nausea, and obviously that led to sleeping problems as well. So struggled with sleep at points, points of my life through there.
[00:14:12] Speaker A: And me just thinking, okay, it's just the endurance sport, I'm going to stop Doing the triathlons and marathons and things will get better.
So I switched up my training.
I moved from high intensity, sorry, I moved from the long, slow endurance sort of thing into more high intensity training, you know, more into CrossFit, more into the high int stuff. And for a little while that different stress applied in the body worked. The body felt better, I felt more recovered, gut issues went away, sleep got better. But then the same thing happened again, didn't it? You stick out that training, that high intensity training and probably doing too much of it. And the same thing happened again. You know, I started to get round to.
[00:14:50] Speaker A: To.
[00:14:52] Speaker A: Gut issues coming back, sleep issues coming back, high levels of stress coming back again. And it just, again started to play havoc on my health.
Changed the training model again, moved to more body weight sort of stuff, tried to back off a little bit more, more sort of calisthenics training.
And that definitely helped. I think that gave my body a chance to recover more. But still it caught up with me again and I was just like, whatever I do just seems to only be a temporary fix and I can't get on top of this. And until I sold the gym and moved back to Australia, that I was like, right, I need help. I can't keep going this way and I can't figure this out by myself.
And that was when I worked with a functional medicine practitioner. We did a load of blood work and it took a while for us to sort of navigate that blood work and find out what the underlying health complications were. But once we got on top of that, once we looked under the hood and figured out who I was and what was happening, it only took about six weeks for me to start to feel just so much better.
Yeah. So that's sort of the path I went on.
[00:15:56] Speaker C: Yeah, well, so, you know, hearing you talk makes me think of a lot of things. I think.
[00:16:04] Speaker C: A lot of people have just, you know, continuing chronic difficulties, whether it's gut issues or whether it's blood pressure or whether it's weight or whether it's, you know, aches and pains from inflammation or whether it's any combination of all of the above.
And.
[00:16:28] Speaker C: You know, a lot of people are either really active and get lots of exercise and are really strong, or they're maybe exactly the opposite and don't do hardly anything.
[00:16:42] Speaker C: But when you find yourself with these issues, it's.
[00:16:47] Speaker C: I think a lot of us guys are just like, oh, we'll push through it ourselves, you know, like it's not that big of a deal.
I don't Want to go to the doctor, you know, or.
[00:17:00] Speaker C: And we are sort of creatures of habit. We have the things that we do, the things that we think are good, that we try to do more of and the things that we actually like to do, that we do more of. And if we're lucky, those are the same things, but if we're not lucky, then those are completely different things.
[00:17:18] Speaker C: So, you know, I think a lot of us guys sort of go through a different variation of that and it's, it's really encouraging and hopeful to hear that you finally did find, you know, a functional doctor that could help you correct those things in six weeks. Like, that sounds really fast.
So, like, what kind of diagnostic work did you get? Did you do? And if you don't mind sharing, like, what did they find?
[00:17:49] Speaker A: Yeah, for sure. So, I mean, obviously when you go to a functional medicine practitioner, they're going to do deep blood work and it's going to be a lot more sophisticated than your general practitioner. I'm not a big believer in the conventional medicine system. It's not about health, it's about disease management.
So, yeah, I avoid that as much as I can through holistic functional medicine. You know, we're going to go deep and look at all of the numbers. So we're looking at vitamins and minerals in the body, we're looking at genetics and genes, we're looking at the gut health and the microbiome home. There's so many different elements we can test. My adrenals were gone, so we did a Dutch test and we looked at, you know, my adrenals. So cortisol was flat, DHEA was flat. A lot of values were flat in terms of my adrenals. So. And that was because I wasn't sleeping. So we sort of understood why. But what was the root cause? What's causing the problem is the whole idea with functional medicine.
So there were a few things like a little bit low on vitamin D, which is understandable living in the uk, so getting vitamin D levels back up a little bit lower. Magnesium, even though I was supplementing with magnesium.
[00:18:54] Speaker A: High histamine, so I've got histamine intolerance. So histamine was up. And obviously eating certain foods that are high in histamine cause inflammation in my stomach and I've got to think carefully about histamine. So managing that made an improvement through genetic testing. I found that I had the MTHFR genetics and that affects our detoxification pathways, which can interrupt sleep because that's the time where that stuff Happens.
So that was sort of a little bit of a interesting moment. Like, okay, so there's some issues going on with detoxification. What's happening there? Let's do some heavy metal testing. And when I dived into heavy metal testing, mercury came up. My mercury was off the charts.
And through supplementation and sauna, infrared, sauna, my mercury level just went straight back down. And as soon as that happened, my sleep improved. And when my sleep improved, my adrenals and energy came back again.
Now, there was no way I would have guessed that that that was. I. I don't have any mercury fillings. I'm not exposed to any mercury. Why was my mercury high?
My best bet was probably fish oil supplementation, maybe taking the fish oils which are meant to be good for all of our information, omega 3s. But what's the quality of those mega 3s? And if, even though the company says they're tested and they're perfect and they're clean, what's the reality of that?
I did eat more fish when I moved back to Australia just because it's more abundant here. And obviously fish from our oceans is unfortunately contaminated with Merc being a bad detoxifier. I couldn't get that out of my system. So I need to be careful with my fish intake.
But, yeah, I think that's the importance of looking under the hood. And if I didn't get on top of that, what would have been the health implications two years, five years from that point, if I continue not to be able to sleep? And although I'm eating fish or taking fish oil supplements that are meant to be healthy, they're not actually healthy for my body right now because I can't deal with that.
So, yeah, getting on top of that just changed my whole perspective about what it means to be health and fit, fit for health and fitness or health and wellness, and how important it is, especially I feel for men to be proactive with their health.
Look under the hood, figure out what's going on in your body before it's too late, before that health crisis.
Take those proactive steps because it could change your life for the better.
[00:21:15] Speaker C: And is that what you do with men now? Through midlife mavericks? Tell me more about the work that you do and the services and, and what that looks like, who you work with.
[00:21:27] Speaker C: Give me some, some ideas there.
[00:21:30] Speaker A: Yeah, so that's part of the picture. I'll circle back to that. So initially, you know, my journey through, through sort of life in the, in the early days all up to my 30s, was just about me, you know, I didn't have any family, didn't have any of those responsibilities, that commitment. So my ability to go to the UK and work, my ability to open a gym, my ability to travel, everything I was doing, you know, was a little bit self centered. But you know, that was the journey I was on. Come Australia, meet my partner, have a kid. Holy crap. Life just gets turned on its head. The responsibilities of owning a business, having a family, doing all these things, how do I fit in my training, how do I fit in my nutrition, how do I manage my stress and take care of myself with all these added things.
And it just became like, wow, I need to really reassess what my values are, what my responsibilities are, what my priorities are, my boundaries, like really sit down and ask myself those questions, which I hadn't done for a lot of my life. It was very much autopilot or living just day by day in the moment. Yeah, having goals and having things I was chasing, but you know, it wasn't in a rush or it wasn't like it had to be done now or there was a thousand things to manage.
It was a lot less and a lot easier. So I get to midlife and, you know, and having a family and all this sort of stuff and I'm just like, how do dudes do this? Like how, how do men stay healthy and fit and focused and energized while they're trying to juggle all these responsibilities.
[00:22:57] Speaker A: After my own health issues, I studied health coaching. I did some health coaching with a guy called Chris Kreza who's based over in the US and it really opened my eyes to the whole holistic picture of not just training and nutrition, but managing our stress, social connection, how important that is, sleep and all these other factors, the holistic view. And through my own experience of working with a functional medicine practitioner and the benefits I had, I was like, well, more guys need to be doing this and more guys need to wake up to the importance of their health and wellbeing. Because without your health and wellbeing, who are you? What are you if you're not managing it now? Again, I always push the dial forward. Five years from now, ten years from now, what's going to happen? And if you wait till that health crisis, that high blood pressure, that heart attack, that diabetes diagnosis, it's a lot harder to reverse than it is to manage.
We don't want to get to that point.
You know, I've been working with a.
[00:23:55] Speaker C: Lot about, it's not just about you anymore, right? When you sort of get to and realize that that stage of life, we've got people that count on us. We've got people that love us, we've got our families. We, you know, we got responsibilities and those same pressures that we feel at work and. Yeah, we feel pressures at home, too.
Those pressures, you know, they give us.
[00:24:21] Speaker C: Even though they're difficult and put stress on us, they also give us meaning and, you know, give us purpose. And, you know, sometimes I find that those things are both a difficulty and a motivator, but they certainly put things into perspective.
[00:24:39] Speaker A: Yeah, I agree. And I think sometimes men think that looking after their own health could be selfish. I don't have time to train, or if I train, that's a bit selfish because my partner doesn't have time to train or I need to spend more time with my family or all this going on. But are you actually present with your family when you show up for them? Are you just in the room, or are you actually there really present, listening to what they're saying, playing with your kids or not? And if that's the case, well, it's like. Well, you're obviously not prioritizing your own health, and if your health starts to slide like you've just mentioned, what impact does that have on them? And I feel that when we take care of our own health and we prioritize our health and we set boundaries around that, it actually helps us show up as a better partner, as a better father, as a better leader, as a better man.
[00:25:27] Speaker C: Yeah.
And, you know, news flash for anybody, any guys who are listening, who are, you know, guess what? You're. You're not the only one experiencing this.
It's like, I think we basically, we all are, but we all try to sort of exist in our own, you know, in our own space. And. And guys, we'd like. We just project that everything is fine, that we're fine, that we're strong.
You know, we're taught from a young age that we should be strong and independent, which is good. We should, in fact, be those things.
But at the same time, it's like, we don't have to be that fiercely independent to the point where we, number one, won't admit to ourselves that we have an issue or a problem and that we won't admit it to anyone else, because guess what? Like, we're all sort of living with a version of that these days.
[00:26:28] Speaker B: Do you feel exhausted before your day even starts, or do you struggle to balance demanding work and family with everything else?
[00:26:34] Speaker C: Do you wonder how to say no.
[00:26:36] Speaker B: Without guilt or set boundaries, when everyone needs things from you. Does burnout feel inevitable no matter how.
[00:26:41] Speaker C: Hard you try to push through?
[00:26:43] Speaker B: Then check out my new book on Amazon, Stress Response. Manage your response to stress in order to reduce anxiety, avoid burnout, and find calm and steady focus. Now available on Amazon.com yeah, it's a.
[00:26:57] Speaker A: Thing that I think a lot of men are stuck in. And it could be like the masculinity that's been handed down to us from generation to generation and we think about that pushing through.
I can fix this myself, I can ignore it, it'll go away sort of mentality, and it's not helping men. We can look at the statistics worldwide and see men's health on the decline. Suicide rates are going up, all the things that are impacting men. And. And the question is why? Why are men not stepping into this work, looking after their health, both physically and mentally, and doing what's needed to be, I suppose, there for their family, there for their friends, there for their aging parents. All these things that are happening.
[00:27:40] Speaker A: Our definition of success, like, do we question that? Like, for me, the corporate world was success and climbing the corporate ladder and earning the money, and then that didn't align. Okay, so then it was the gym that was success. But then that burnt out my health and I was chasing that success wasn't working, so then I was out of alignment again there.
But I think we can. It's easy to hide in the areas of our life that give us success. And what I mean by that is we go to work and we tick the boxes, the to do list, the emails, the project, the meeting, whatever it is. And it gives us this feeling of achievement or success. I'm doing something, I'm valued here, I'm productive here.
But is that really a definition of success? Is that really helping you? But that's an area where I can hide. I can go to work and I can feel great and there's nothing wrong with that. But what am I ignoring? How is my relationship? How is my health?
How am I?
Things going on outside of work that we could be hiding from because we don't want to face what's uncomfortable.
[00:28:44] Speaker C: Yeah, no, that's such a great point because.
[00:28:49] Speaker C: We have.
[00:28:53] Speaker C: It's. In a way, it's almost easier to tick the boxes that someone else provided to you.
And it's safer that way. It's like, well, this is, you know, these are my metrics. These are how I'm being measured. You know, this is my. This is success. And so I can tick those boxes. But what if those are not the best or the only forms of success or what you really need in the long term to be happy and healthy and, you know, sustained?
Do you think that this is sort of a.
Do you think that this is a widespread kind of issue and problem, or do you think that it's a smaller percentage of the population that has these challenges?
[00:29:39] Speaker A: I think in one way, shape or form, all men have these challenges. And I think it's a natural part of our life. And I think, you know, our definition of success, the definition of a success in our 20s and 30s is very different in our 40s and 50s. But do we stop and redefine what success means to us? I think midlife is that turning point. We're halfway through, there's the next chapter coming now, and we start to question, like, what am I here for? Why. Why am I doing what I'm doing?
There might not be that sense of fulfillment that we once got out of chasing those old metrics of success.
I call it the warrior's energy. So the masculine archetype of the warrior is the fighter, is the pusher, is the guy who wants to be in every battle, who will just do everything to succeed. And that energy serves us really, really well. In our 20s and 30s, when we're climbing the corporate ladder, when we're getting the house, when we get in the car, when we're chasing the girl, whatever it is, that's the warrior energy that still serves us. In our 40s and 50s, we're still going to have that warrior. It doesn't go away.
But the king energy starts to call us the masculine archetype of the king. He's more grounded, he's wiser, he's more in touch with what really matters in life. He's there to protect his castle, protect his people, and look after not just himself, but others.
It's a different change in energy. You might know it as a midlife crisis, but it's not a crisis. It's actually us starting to think about what's aligned with the next chapter of our life. Where do we want to take our life? Who is the man I want to become in my 40s, in my 50s, in my 60s?
And we talk about work, life, balance. I think that's bullshit. It doesn't exist. But work, life alignment.
[00:31:28] Speaker A: How can we align our life with what truly matters, what's important to us?
And if we don't slow down long enough to ask these questions, what does success mean to me? What do I want in life? Who is the man I want to become? What are my values? What are my strengths? What is the vision? Who are the people I want to be around?
And a lot of men don't slow down to ask those questions. We're so go, go, go, go, go. Living on autopilot, just taking every day as it comes that we're out of alignment. And that really starts to take its toll on our health and well being.
[00:32:04] Speaker C: And you, you know, can't. No one can sort of be exclusively and a warrior their whole lives.
It's like, it's just, it's very difficult, if not impossible to maintain that kind of level and energy. You know, the, the king has many warriors on his behalf.
And you know, I think of a king too. I think of a king as having people within his structure.
[00:32:38] Speaker C: And.
[00:32:40] Speaker C: You know, if we're talking about a benevolent king, which I hope we are, then, you know, the king is also a mentor in addition to being a protector.
I think another archetype that's important for men is the transition to the idea of being a father.
And whether you're talking about literally a father or you're talking about sort of metaphysically being a father, that father or mentor, is there also some significance and importance, do you think, in terms of.
[00:33:14] Speaker C: Serving and helping others and bringing along and you know, surrounding yourself and you know, passing it on to the next generation of younger warriors?
[00:33:26] Speaker A: 100%. And I think leadership is the word that comes to mind there. The king is a leader and he leads in a different way. The king is still a warrior, he can still get involved in the fight, but he would prefer to be able to sit back and help others succeed. And it is that guide and it is that mentor. What can I give back?
The worry is all about what can I get? Give me more. I'm going to fight for this. But the worry is life is limited and if you keep stepping into every battle, at some point it's going to catch up with you. So we need to step into that role of the king and step back and have that leadership role. And I think that comes as a part of being a father and being a mentor. And I think kids are one of the best teachers.
They teach us to slow down, they teach us to be more present. We just have to be awake to that, aware to that, and be able to listen to that.
I experienced that myself with my daughter. It's like you can't be having your head elsewhere and be thinking about work and thinking about everything else. You need to be able to be present.
[00:34:28] Speaker C: They figure you out, they'll call you out on it, too. At least my kids will.
[00:34:33] Speaker A: Yeah, good on them. And so they should.
[00:34:37] Speaker A: Man, I taught them to think.
[00:34:38] Speaker C: Oh, what did I do that for?
Now they're out thinking me and calling me out of my own bs.
[00:34:45] Speaker A: Exactly. And it comes back to again, it's like, who are the people that are the most important to you? Sit down and write down the five people who are the most important to you in your life right now. Your partner, your kids, maybe your aging parents, maybe a couple of your mates, whoever it is, then go and look at your calendar and tell me how much time you're spending with those people. People. If they're so important with you, you've got to make more time for them because they're not going to be here forever. And either are you going to be here forever. Is work really that important? Is training really that important? What's important to you? Where are your boundaries? Where are your priorities? Does your schedule match up to those boundaries and priorities? Or are you living out of alignment? You know, we look at, you know, people in their 80s, maybe 90s, they're on their deathbed and they're looking back at their life. What do they regret? Do they regret not working harder? Do they regret not earning more money? Hell, no. They regret not spending more time with the people they love?
[00:35:40] Speaker C: Well, yes. And this idea that we have in our heads of, I am working this hard for you, I'm working this hard for my family, I'm working this hard to provide this life for my, you know, my spouse and my kids. But then, even if you're not actually spending time with them, or if you're not doing things with them, or if you're not paying attention to who and what they are and what they're becoming, then if you ask them the question, do they want you to work that hard for them?
They might not have the same answer that you thought that you had. Like, maybe you don't have the answer. Working that hard for them. Maybe. Maybe in fact, you're not actually working that hard for them. Maybe that's just an excuse. Maybe you're really working that hard, you think for yourself.
But then it's like. But then if you come around to that realization, wow, maybe taking some time and pulling back and spending some time with the people who you care about, maybe that's worth it.
[00:36:47] Speaker A: It.
[00:36:48] Speaker C: And maybe that's what they want. And wow, what a relief that would be, huh?
[00:36:53] Speaker A: I think there's that pressure. We feel like we have to be earning more money and we have to be providing. But, like, what is providing?
Providing is more than just money and food on the table. Yeah, it's important, and it's a big part of our life, and we do have to work and we do have to have an income. But I think providing is about a lot more than just that. And sometimes it could be looking at, okay, well, how am I living my life? What are these expenses that I've got? Where am I living? What's the.
What's the house, the mortgage, everything else? Do I really need all of that, or could I downgrade all that sort of stuff so I could work less and spend more time with my family?
When I reflect back on my childhood and growing up, the moments I think about, the quality moments I think about with my dad had nothing to do with what he bought me or the money. It had to do with spending time in the shed, tinkering on cars and motorbikes, you know, spending time going on a holiday, whatever it was, but spending time together. They're the best memories that I have have.
So I reflect back on that, and I think a lot of men should do that as well. And maybe they didn't have such a strong relationship with their father, but what sort of relationship do you want to have with your kids? What do you want them to remember about you always being at work, never being available, never being present, never showing up or being the awesome dad that's there to support them? Who's there for their sports days? Who's there helping them fix motorbikes and cars if that's what they want to do?
You know, I think we've got to reflect on that just a little bit. And again, that's the king energy. It's like really showing up with presence around those people that matter most.
[00:38:26] Speaker C: But sometimes, you know, we don't have.
[00:38:29] Speaker C: Sometimes we don't feel like we have the energy to pour into our family.
[00:38:37] Speaker C: And what about the idea of men connecting with other guys who are in a similar stage of life, who have similar kinds of experiences or recent experiences, you know, what's the value of, you know, brotherhood and, you know, working, talking to peers?
[00:39:01] Speaker A: I'm so glad you asked that question. And it's something that. If you'd asked me that, you know, a few years ago, I wouldn't have said the same answer.
[00:39:10] Speaker A: Because I think we do feel that we can do it ourselves. And I feel a lot of men, for me, what happened, and might have for you as well, is we go through life where at a younger age, we've got a lot of close mates growing up at school, playing sport together, doing all those things. Maybe when we go to university, we've got a lot of close mates, we're at university, then we start our working career, and it's a little bit different. Or then we get married and we have kids, and we might move away from our mates or they might move away. Our connections start to break. And a lot of men report that they don't have three to five really close friends. And loneliness is a huge killer. They say that, you know, loneliness is as bad as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. But we just lose those connections.
And we go back to our ancient tribal times and we think about our ancestors and think about how they spent time in the tribes. The men would go out hunting together, okay? So the elders would teach the young boys to become warriors and to hunt and to gather and help support the family. And then they would sit around the fire and they would share their stories, their wisdom, their skills, information about the land. And there would be times where the men were just with men working together, learning from each other, growing from that experience so that they could protect the tribe. We've got young boys stepping into becoming the warriors. We've got the warriors stepping into becoming the elders and the holders of information.
There's a whole sort of network of, you know, these skills being passed up and down, and we don't have that anymore in our culture. You know, the rites of passage and the rituals that would happen there.
Men need to connect to other men. We need that time. It's in our genetics, okay? We can't necessarily open up and share our stories to our partners, maybe to our parents, the way we can with other men. And we can't necessarily learn from others who are not in the same shoes or position that we're in.
I find with Inside the midlife maverick community, when one man opens up and shares his struggle, it could be something that's going on in his relationship right now. It could be how he's feeling at work. It could be the stress about his health and where he's going.
The other men aren't there to fix or give advice. They're there to listen, to support, to ask better questions, to get curious about what's happening there. And some of them are even there just to read it and go, hey, I'm on that same journey. I'm feeling what you're feeling.
And just that in itself can help. Men go, ah, I'm not the only one.
I understand that there's others out there on the same journey feeling the same struggles and that can lift a load and men can support men in that way. Whereas I don't think we can get that same sort of connection from the women in our life or an isolation trying to push through by ourselves. So through community and support of brotherhood, men can actually grow stronger from the shared lessons, the shared struggles, the shared wins, and the value that we have as a community of men going back to that tribal sort of ancestry that, you know, men have gone through.
[00:42:14] Speaker C: So is your midlife mavericks community open? Is there an opportunity for guys to.
To join and to begin to experience this for themselves with other guys?
[00:42:28] Speaker A: Yeah, 100%. I've got different tiers inside the midlife maverick community. And there's a free tier where you just get on board and come inside, you get to see all of the community there. The general conversations and chats we have and you can participate in those chats and conversations there is what we call the King's rhythm. So we're working on creating habits and routines that help men work on their health and well being, physical, mental, relationships, all these different things.
[00:42:57] Speaker A: There's a Warrior to King program or framework that I've set up and the idea is to help men move some of that warrior energy into more of the King's energy. It's a journey we take them on over nine weeks. I'm probably going to make it 10 weeks just because there's more we could add to it. Just a little bit more to help men just connect the dots. But it's learning to let go of some of the warrior energy. Where is the warrior still showing up in my life and where is that not serving me? It's learning to look at the King's energy. Where do I want to show up like the King? What are my values? What is my strengths? What is the vision of the man I want to become? So asking those deep inner questions so we can start to realign our life with what matters most and then creating a framework where we can start to make commitments about the small things we're going to change, reflect on those commitments and continue to move forward with the support of the other men in the group. Group. So the Warrior to King framework just creates this repeatable framework that we can work through to help us continue on the journey. If we're standing at the bottom of Mount Everest and the peak is up there, it looks like a bloody long way away.
And sometimes that fear or that uncertainty can make us go now look, it's easier just to stay here than it is to climb that mountain. But if we can take one step, what is that one step? If we take one step in the next 30 days, or awesome. If you take two steps in the next 60 days, awesome. In a year, you've got further up the mountain. In two years, five years from now, if you continue to be proactive about these small incremental changes, you're going to be a very different man from who you are today. So that's the idea of the warrior to king being able to set that up.
There's also a membership where we have the king's table, which gives people permission to attend the live calls that we have, where we will sit, you know, and talk about what's going on for each men. You know, what's going on in your life right now? What are your biggest struggles?
What are the challenges you're facing right now? What are you working on?
What's the next step? Where do you see yourself in 12 months from now? Like just opening up this conversation so men can share and hear other men's stories.
We've also got the health side of it. So there's training involved with that. Whether that's just following the basic beginners training program, stepping into the team training program, or working one to one in personal training training as well. So lots of different elements, lots of different layers. I'm still building that community and I'm wanting it, wanting to build it with other men and walk the journey together. I'm not here to teach. I'm not here to tell you how to live your life. I'm here to be a guide. I'm here to support you. I'm here to ask better questions and get curious about, you know, the journey you want to go on.
[00:45:40] Speaker C: Well, that all sounds fantastic.
[00:45:46] Speaker C: I have just joined your Midlife Mavericks group. I'm looking forward to checking that out and getting involved and seeing how that works and getting engaged.
Tell us how and where people can find it online. How do we get in touch with you and find your things on the web and online?
[00:46:08] Speaker A: Yeah, the best place to go is the website because there's obviously links to everything from there. So. Www.midlife mavericks.com I am based in Australia, but I've got clients worldwide. The current group of men that have just been through the war of the King, Canada, uk, Hong Kong, Australia. So all over the place.
So we have calls for different time zones that we set that up with and yeah, it's just a great community to be involved in. So I invite anyone to join the free community or any man to free Feel free to come and join the community.
[00:46:45] Speaker C: Well thank you so much Stretch. It's such a great it was so great to meet you and talk to you and get to know you a bit and just really think that the work that you're doing is really important and there's a tremendous need for it. So thank you so much for coming and talking with us today.
[00:47:02] Speaker A: I greatly appreciate the opportunity. Ramsey thank you very much for having me.
[00:47:06] Speaker C: Looking for more?
[00:47:07] Speaker B: Visit whatsworthwhile.net to listen to podcast episodes, learn from books and articles, and live better by choosing healthy products and practices. I'm now offering services through worthwhile advisors for personal coaching, professional advising, speaking and group facilitation. If you or your team are ready to reduce stress and anxiety, build vitality and momentum, and accomplish your goals without burning out, then please contact me, Ramsey Zach Zimmerman through the website or on social media like Instagram X or LinkedIn. Thanks.
