Episode Transcript
[00:00:11] What's worthwhile considering what we consume, believe, say and do towards peace of mind, vitality of body, and joy of spirit? I'm Ramsey Zimmerman. Here's some more healthy living, motivation and discussion.
[00:00:30] Hey there, it's Ramsay here.
[00:00:33] Have you ever noticed how much we humans stick with our people?
[00:00:37] We wear the same jerseys, vote for the same candidates, attend the same houses of worship, work in the same professions, and before long we begin saying things like we won. Or they always do. That we, we are born into some groups, join other groups, even create groups. I'm talking about tribes.
[00:01:01] I have to admit, I've always been pretty down on the idea of tribalism.
[00:01:06] It seemed to me that whenever people started dividing themselves into groups, somebody eventually ended up becoming the enemy. But what if we can operate within groups and tribes without the negativity towards others?
[00:01:22] A while back, I read a book called Tribe by Sebastian Junger.
[00:01:27] If you've not read it, I recommend it. What surprised me was that he was not warning people about tribes. He was almost lamenting the fact that many of us no longer have them.
[00:01:39] I guess I've just gotten accustomed to the negative aspects of tribalism.
[00:01:44] But he tells stories about soldiers, disasters, and communities that face tremendous hardship together.
[00:01:53] During the bombing of Britain In World War II, for example, people often reported a surprising sense of purpose and belonging.
[00:02:01] Same thing for people in Sarajevo during the siege.
[00:02:05] Their circumstances were objectively terrible. Yet many people later remembered feeling more connected to their neighbors than they ever had before.
[00:02:16] That bothered me.
[00:02:18] Not because I thought he was wrong, but because it felt horrible.
[00:02:22] Acknowledging that pain and death could bring people together, admitting that hardship sometimes brings out the best in people.
[00:02:31] But I think that what people missed was not the suffering itself, obviously, but the sense that they were facing it together.
[00:02:40] Then, sometime later, my colleague Owen Marcus made an offhand comment that got me thinking.
[00:02:46] We were talking about men's groups, and he said something to the effect of that a healthy men's group captures many of the best aspects of a tribe without many of the negative ones that sent me down a rabbit hole. Maybe my definition of a tribe had been too narrow.
[00:03:04] On the positive side, tribes can give us a home. They remind us that we belong somewhere.
[00:03:10] They surround us with people who know our names, care whether we show up, encourage us when we struggle, and celebrate when we succeed.
[00:03:20] They give us traditions, shared stories, shared purpose, and sometimes even the courage to face challenges that we never would have faced alone.
[00:03:31] Those are beautiful things.
[00:03:33] But there is another side.
[00:03:36] Tribes can also create outsiders.
[00:03:39] They can become suspicious of people who think differently.
[00:03:43] They can begin to believe that their members deserve grace while everyone else deserves judgment.
[00:03:50] One person's mistake is explained away because, come on, he's. He's one of us.
[00:03:56] Another person's mistake becomes proof that told you they're all like that.
[00:04:01] That does not feel just As I thought about all this, I began to think that maybe I was asking the wrong question.
[00:04:10] The question is probably not. Are tribes good or bad?
[00:04:13] Maybe the better question is how do I belong to a tribe without losing myself?
[00:04:20] That feels much more practical, because the truth is, we all belong to tribes, whether we want to or not.
[00:04:27] We have families, neighborhoods, faith communities, political parties, sports teams, professions, friend groups, online communities.
[00:04:39] You don't really get to choose whether or not you belong to tribes. The better question is, what kind of tribal member are you going to be?
[00:04:50] We all feel it. The pressure to perform, keep up, move faster. All while staying present and connecting with our loved ones. It's a lot. I know. So join me live weekly on Zoom Tuesdays at noon Pacific time for sessions of better before burnout. Waking, eating, moving and sleeping to beat stress and bring vitality. These sessions are interactive and customized. Each time, I go through the foundations of establishing vitality that carry you through your days and calm your sleep through your nights. I also focus in on particular practical strategies. Learn more and register online by visiting whatsworthwhile.net Better don't forget to use coupon code. Blast off for one free session.
[00:05:42] The recent Men's World cup gave me another reason to think about this.
[00:05:47] People traveled halfway around the world to cheer for their countries.
[00:05:51] They sang together, wore matching jerseys, celebrated victories together and grieved losses together. There's something undeniably beautiful about that kind of shared passion.
[00:06:02] Of course, there were also stories of angry confrontations between rival fans.
[00:06:08] The same event seemed capable of bringing out the best and the worst in people.
[00:06:14] I remember seeing this video that went viral.
[00:06:17] A Japanese supporter was absolutely devastated after his team lost.
[00:06:22] He was in tears.
[00:06:24] But a group of Brazilian supporters whose team had just won walked over and comforted him. They hugged him. They held him.
[00:06:34] Now look, it was the Internet. And maybe that scene didn't actually play out exactly the way it's portrayed. I don't know. But me and millions of people like me want it to be true because it represents something we instinctively recognize.
[00:06:48] One moment they were cheering for different teams, but then they remembered that they belonged to an even bigger tribe. They were all human beings. And I love that.
[00:06:59] I've been wondering lately if maybe that is what a healthy tribe does.
[00:07:04] He gives us a place to belong without teaching us to hate people who belong somewhere else.
[00:07:11] It gives us loyalty without requiring blindness.
[00:07:15] It gives us confidence without arrogance, gives us identity without contempt.
[00:07:23] I also wonder if healthy tribes should make us more willing to challenge our own people.
[00:07:29] Think about that for a minute. It's easy to criticize another group, but it takes courage to lovingly challenge your own.
[00:07:38] If my tribe cannot tolerate honest questions, if disagreement is treated like betrayal, if I'm expected to believe everything my leaders say and automatically dismiss everything another group says, if my tribe always assumes we are the victims and they are always the villains, then perhaps I should slow down and ask myself some difficult questions. Not because I want to leave, because I want my loyalty to remain healthy.
[00:08:12] One of the things I have come to believe is that belonging and independent thinking are not enemies. In fact, perhaps the healthiest tribes encourage both.
[00:08:22] They want members who contribute, members who ask good questions, who hold everyone, including themselves, to the same standards, members who can admit when another group gets something right, and members who remember that justice should not change based on whose jersey someone is wearing.
[00:08:44] Maybe that is why I appreciate what Owen has built through men's groups. The purpose is not to create men who are fiercely loyal to the group. The purpose is to create men who become better husbands, fathers, sons, co workers, neighbors and friends because of what they experience in the group.
[00:09:05] The group is not the destination. It's the training ground.
[00:09:09] As I have reflected on all this, I think I've landed here.
[00:09:13] I want to belong. I think we all do.
[00:09:16] I want people who know me.
[00:09:19] I also want people who will challenge me, encourage me, and walk beside me when life gets hard.
[00:09:26] But I never want my belonging to come at the expense of my expansion.
[00:09:32] Maybe that is the better way to do tribes belong deeply? Think independently?
[00:09:38] Love broadly?
[00:09:40] Look, I'm not a perfect cross tribe walker either.
[00:09:44] I have my own biases, my own triggers, my own assumptions. I've stepped in it quite a few times and made assumptions about people based on how they dressed, what they said, what kind of hat they were wearing, or what color eye makeup they used. But I want to do better.
[00:10:03] As my friend, author Parfait Basilet suggests. I want to find and use courage, curiosity and compassion to befriend others, especially those who are different from me. And I encourage you to do so also.
[00:10:19] So perhaps this week it is worth asking ourselves a few questions.
[00:10:24] Which tribes am I a part of?
[00:10:27] How have they shaped me?
[00:10:29] Am I becoming more compassionate or simply more loyal?
[00:10:33] Can I question my own tribe as honestly as I question another one, can I celebrate my team without hating the other team?
[00:10:42] And if I ever found someone from the other side sitting on the curb with tears in their eyes after a difficult loss, would I be willing to walk over, sit beside them and remind both of us that before we were ever members of different tribes, we were members of the same human family?
[00:11:04] And for today, that is enough.
[00:11:09] Ready for more? Visit whatsworthwhile.net to listen to podcast episodes. Master your response to stress by reading my books, Stress Response, available through Amazon, or to get better before burnout sets in by requesting the free guide. Regardless of where you are in your journey, I'd love to hear from you and talk about how we might move forward together. Please contact me, Ramsey Zimmerman, through the website or on social media like Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, or X. Thanks, Sam.
