[00:00:11] Speaker A: What's worthwhile?
[00:00:12] Speaker B: It's a question we all need to answer for ourselves. I'm Ramsay Zimmerman. As for me, it's building mind, body and spirit wellness. Let's ponder the big questions together as we seek peace of mind, vitality of body, and joy of spirit.
[00:00:36] Speaker C: I would suggest that a healthier version of masculinity is being assertive. Being assertive means that we have some control over how we're approaching a situation, something that's challenging us.
[00:00:47] Speaker D: And being under control means again, we.
[00:00:49] Speaker C: Go back, deploying just the right amount of energy and being able to create enough space to allow that other individuals to give them opportunity to participate. Being masculine is more of a trait than it is about gender. I don't believe in toxic masculinity. I believe there's toxic behavior that can show up for anybody. And so I think when we start to look at, you know, what does it look like to be masculine Today, it's about understanding that connection is more than just bringing home bacon.
[00:01:21] Speaker E: Hey there.
[00:01:22] Speaker A: It's Ramsay here.
[00:01:24] Speaker E: That was Alan Demonsel. Alan is a men's coach and men's group leader. We talked a lot about masculinity and the ways that men can best show up in their relationships and with their families. Alan has a strong sense that men today cannot and should not be all about taking control over everyone and everything, but instead using self control. Likewise, leadership today is not about blazing forward like Rambo, but instead working with others. My hope and intention with this conversation was to help both men and women think about and understand the positive, healthy contributions that men can make to their relationships and the world. I think that came through. I hope you agree. Let's begin.
[00:02:07] Speaker A: Hey, Alan. How you doing today?
[00:02:09] Speaker C: Doing great, Ramsey. Thank you so much for having me on the show.
[00:02:12] Speaker A: Absolutely. I am glad you're here. I am excited because, you know, for whatever reason, I've had a string of women guests on the podcast lately, which is great, but I'm excited to get a male voice into the mix as well.
And I'm glad it's you because from what I've learned about you and your approach, I think it's a really good one and a balanced one and an important approach, you know, in this kind of day and age that we live in. So let me say for the audience that you are a men's life coach, a leader of men's groups.
But before we lose the interest of half of our audience, let me ask you this. In order to have healthy relationships with the women in their lives, why is it important for men to be emotionally healthy.
[00:03:12] Speaker C: What a great opening question, Ramsey. I think it's so key for us to be emotionally healthy because when we have our emotions under control and we recognize that we're actually feeling something, then we can respond better. And I think as men, for many of us, we weren't raised to do that very well.
[00:03:33] Speaker D: We were.
[00:03:34] Speaker C: A lot of our emotions were suppressed. You think about the. The young toddler who's running around, and as he gets older, he's just a ball of energy. And today in society today, we want to calm that down. So this boy never really learns how to manage his emotions. And so I think as we get older, when we become more aware of what's happening for us and how to better respond well, then we can show up much more healthily. You know, I think I. We talk about. In. I know in our work, we talk about being able to show up, having the right amount of emotion with the right person at the right time in the right context. And I think that's so key for men today. It's not all about being macho, and it's not all about, you know, just.
[00:04:23] Speaker D: Sitting in our feelings.
[00:04:24] Speaker C: It's about being able to balance that.
[00:04:27] Speaker D: Those two powerful energies to make sure.
[00:04:29] Speaker C: We show up right.
[00:04:31] Speaker A: Absolutely.
Well, please, please give us some backstory about you and your life. Like, why is it. How is it that you felt called to become a men's life coach and leader?
[00:04:46] Speaker C: Yeah. Great.
[00:04:47] Speaker D: Another great question.
[00:04:48] Speaker C: You know, what really happened for me was just about losing my second marriage, and that was just over 10 years ago now.
[00:04:54] Speaker D: And it started me on this journey.
[00:04:56] Speaker C: Of really trying to understand what was going on, you see, because previously in.
[00:05:02] Speaker D: My first marriage, I was married to.
[00:05:03] Speaker C: A high school sweetheart, and we had.
[00:05:05] Speaker D: Young family and everything. And while I was successful, my professional.
[00:05:08] Speaker C: Life, my personal life had fallen apart.
[00:05:11] Speaker D: So I had gone on this journey.
[00:05:12] Speaker C: For two decades of personal development and.
[00:05:16] Speaker D: Really trying to understand how the mind.
[00:05:18] Speaker C: Works, the idea of how we can show up well in all aspects of our life. But what I found out is that while you can do a lot of work and do some training and you.
[00:05:29] Speaker D: Don'T go to retreats and do this.
[00:05:30] Speaker C: If we don't actually embody it and put it into practice, it's not worth the time or the energy put in. And so it was because of this, my current marriage. And I'm so blessed today that we're still married, because I am married to somebody who recognized that there was something more in me that I was yet to discover.
[00:05:49] Speaker D: That she could see.
[00:05:51] Speaker C: And so what it required for me was to start to show up and embody all of this training that I had taken. And then the next part of that was also having to deal with, you know, how do I express. We talked. Start off by talking about expressing emotions.
[00:06:06] Speaker D: Well, how do I do that and.
[00:06:07] Speaker C: How do I show up? And there wasn't really anywhere around that.
[00:06:12] Speaker D: Was dedicated for men.
[00:06:14] Speaker C: I think, as, you know, as, you know, being guys, it takes a little while for us to open up. And so we can be very uncomfortable in situations when there's men and women in a space. And so I wanted to create a.
[00:06:28] Speaker D: Space for men to come in and.
[00:06:29] Speaker C: Work through whatever it is that they're working through at that stage in their life, to see that other men are traveling in the same journey. And then that's how we can learn to be truly healthy in our masculinity and how we show up, but also, even more importantly, be there to help mentor others so they know that they're no longer on this path all alone.
[00:06:51] Speaker A: And what was your professional life like kind of early on, early in your career, do you have some successes, some ups and some downs as well?
[00:07:01] Speaker C: Yeah, absolutely. So in my earlier career, I was a chef, and that was in the.
[00:07:08] Speaker D: Early 80s and into the 90s.
[00:07:10] Speaker C: And so I was fortunate that my.
[00:07:13] Speaker D: Mentor was competing in the World Culinary Olympics.
[00:07:16] Speaker C: And, yeah, there's an Olympics for cooking. And you have to remember, this is way before the days of Bobby Flay and Iron Chef and Food TV and all the stuff that we see today that is so popular. And so here was an opportunity for me to really work with some incredibly talented individuals, all men at the time, and to learn a little bit more about myself and what it really takes to work and compete at such a high level.
[00:07:44] Speaker D: But because of that success and because.
[00:07:46] Speaker C: Of all that energy, I also took.
[00:07:49] Speaker D: It for granted that my family would.
[00:07:51] Speaker C: Always be along for the ride.
And so I wasn't engaged at home like I should have been and could have been. And so when. When my professional life was soaring, my.
[00:08:02] Speaker D: Personal life was sinking.
[00:08:04] Speaker C: And I think the key for my work today is helping men become balanced in all aspects of their life, whether that be professional, you know, spiritual, at home with himself. And so when we can recognize these. That there are aspects of our life that we probably put more energy in than others, that if we don't start putting energy in these other aspects, then we're sell. We're really selling ourselves short and we're not truly living a fulfilled life.
[00:08:32] Speaker A: Yeah, But I thought that the. The man's role was breadwinner, to always be bringing home the bacon or the bread or whatever. Are you saying that we should have balance?
[00:08:45] Speaker C: Yeah, let's talk about that. This idea of work life balance. Right. A lot of times people think that this need, that means it has to be 50, 50. But think of. I ask you and your audience to consider balance being like a teeter totter.
At any time in our lives, one.
[00:09:04] Speaker D: Part of our life will take more.
[00:09:06] Speaker C: Precedent than the other. And so when that's happening, it's about. In order for that to come back, what do you need?
[00:09:12] Speaker D: You need somebody on the other side.
[00:09:14] Speaker C: Who understands that journey so that they can push up and they can work with that, and so that you have balance working simultaneously together, that when one of us is going up. And generally speaking, yes, for we're the as men, we're out there to provide for our families. But providing is more than just financial. Providing is also about being there to raise our children, to be there and understand when our spouses need help. And so if you think about balances as a teeter totter versus a scale where you're trying to make things even, then I think the dynamic of the relation gets an opportunity to grow because then, you know, when you're in support mode, when your partner's in support mode, and you can show up better.
[00:10:02] Speaker A: So in light of that, you know, how would you describe healthy masculinity? You know, we hear about toxic masculinity sometimes, but we'd love to hear about healthy masculinity because, you know, I don't think that masculinity is an outdated concept. I think that it just needs to be interpreted for kind of what is called for in today's culture. But how would you describe that?
[00:10:31] Speaker C: Absolutely. Healthy masculinity to me is about being able to recognize when there needs. When there needs to be more of a push, when there needs to be more of a pull in a relationship and in our lives. And healthy masculinity is. Think of it this way. I'm a child of the 80s. As I was talking about earlier, who were the masculine ideas that we would witness? It was Arnold Schwarzenegger, it was Sylvester Stallone. It was all about one guy taking on the world. You know, aliens, you name it. That's how we were to show up. That's an aggressive style of masculinity.
[00:11:10] Speaker D: Is that.
[00:11:11] Speaker C: Is that needed in life? If you're going to war, you probably need that as an. As an attribute. I would suggest that a healthier version of masculinity is being assertive. Being assertive means that we have some control over how we're approaching a situation, something that's challenging us.
[00:11:29] Speaker D: And being under control means, again, we.
[00:11:31] Speaker C: Go back to deploying just the right amount of energy and being able to create enough space to allow that other individual, that other individuals, especially in a family setting, to give them opportunity to participate. Being a masculine is more of a trait than it is about gender. I don't believe in toxic masculinity. I believe there's toxic behavior that can show up for anybody. And so how we. How we can show up in a more healthy way is being able to.
[00:12:03] Speaker D: Understand the other energies and powers.
[00:12:06] Speaker C: I'm a big fan of Moore's and Gillette's work with King, Warrior, Magician, and Lover.
[00:12:12] Speaker D: And it's those other energies, and that warrior energy is the one that we've.
[00:12:15] Speaker C: Seen promoted the most or what masculinity is. But when you consider that under the magician, it's really about learning and being studious and understanding how life unfolds and developing skills. Right. Lover is about being more intimate. Intimate mean, not just about physical, but being able to share and lean into our relationships. And really then, you know, bringing that.
[00:12:41] Speaker D: All together as that king.
[00:12:42] Speaker C: That idea of being solid in our.
[00:12:45] Speaker D: Purpose, knowing who we are, and being able to pull on those other energies.
[00:12:49] Speaker C: As we need them in order to move our lives forward, the lives of our families as well.
[00:12:57] Speaker A: No, that's really great.
Having a combination of those energies sounds really powerful.
You mentioned being assertive. And, you know, how can we be assertive and confident without being arrogant and without being, you know, full of BS and just going over the top.
[00:13:25] Speaker C: That's a great question. I'm.
[00:13:27] Speaker D: I'm chuckling because I'm thinking about a.
[00:13:29] Speaker C: Conversation I just recently had with my wife. And we were talking about, you know, you know, we're getting a little bit. We're getting older now, we're not as committed to our health as we should be. And so we got into, well, we're too similar conversation was we're too similar in personality. So we're not. We're not really helping each other.
[00:13:50] Speaker D: And so I said to my wife.
[00:13:51] Speaker C: Assertively, well, I'm more than happy to.
[00:13:55] Speaker D: Take on that role for us.
[00:13:56] Speaker C: Are you open and willing to be participate. And if it gets, if it gets messy or gets strained in our conversations throughout the week that we both know that we're going for the same goal.
[00:14:09] Speaker D: I will work on my approach.
[00:14:11] Speaker C: You can Work on accepting the guidance and.
[00:14:15] Speaker D: Or idea of what. What we need to change.
[00:14:18] Speaker C: And so that is more being more assertive versus. Versus just saying whatever you want to do, dear, I'm willing to follow along, you know, and that was a lot of what the old owl was like, that really trying to be that nice guy just kind of fit in so that I didn't rock the boat. The idea of happy wife, happy life, I think, has really hurt a lot.
[00:14:39] Speaker D: Of relationships and hurt men because we've fallen into that trap.
[00:14:43] Speaker C: And so being assertive is about taking action. That's what really is a masculine trait.
[00:14:49] Speaker D: Taking action and then following through with it.
[00:14:51] Speaker C: Because that's what she's looking for now. She's looking to see am I willing to walk the talk. And as long as I'm following up with that, then for sure. And we're being. We're. I think that's a way that we're showing healthy masculinity.
[00:15:08] Speaker A: Yeah. So taking leadership and following through. I think you gave an excellent example of, you know, something within a relationship that is really critical. And in that. In that same vein, like, what other kinds of things do you think that women need from men in their relationship?
Or do women just need men like fish need bicycles, like they used to say?
[00:15:41] Speaker C: That's great. I had never heard that.
[00:15:45] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, that's a whole feminist trope from back in the day. But the point being that, you know, that that's. That's this idea that, you know, empowered women don't need men anymore, which, you know, I don't believe that because men need women and women need men because, you know, we're two sides of the same coin. But the question is sort of, what are some examples of things that healthy men can and should offer to women in their relationships?
[00:16:19] Speaker C: Well, I think really when we're. When men are showing up as. As strong and healthy men, what ends up by happening is we start to.
[00:16:28] Speaker D: Take leadership role, not just in the type of conversation I have, but also.
[00:16:32] Speaker C: In participating in our relationship.
[00:16:36] Speaker D: While it may be true that men.
[00:16:37] Speaker C: You know, women don't necessarily need men, ultimately, in the end, it's a. It's about a choice about more than what am I? What is that?
[00:16:46] Speaker D: What is the man bringing to the table?
[00:16:48] Speaker C: And so in my first marriage, as I was talking about it, it was all about providing.
Providing that the stability within the. With. With the family that was bringing home the money.
But today I look at it much older, hopefully a little bit wiser.
That providing is also about providing a place of security, of safety, of an opportunity to know that she can be seen and heard. And so when we're having, when we.
[00:17:17] Speaker D: Start to engage in conversations that are bigger than just how is your day?
[00:17:22] Speaker C: So, for example, one of the things that has really helped our relationship grow, the intimacy in our relationship, is that every other Friday, one of us gets.
[00:17:34] Speaker D: To choose date night.
[00:17:36] Speaker C: So we have two Fridays where we leave it wide open. We're fairly social so that we have opportunity to spend time with friends and family. But every other Friday, one night, that.
[00:17:45] Speaker D: Friday could be my choice.
[00:17:46] Speaker C: The other Friday could be her choice. And the, and the rules of the game is that whoever's date night it is, they get to choose the activity no one else is.
[00:17:58] Speaker D: It's not about bringing other on others along.
[00:18:00] Speaker C: We have to get. We have to ask permission if, depending on what it is, if we're, what we're doing to that maybe it needs more people.
And the third part is the other. The partner will participate to the best of their ability. So I got to tell you, Ramsey, we've done everything from taking dance classes to listening to Shakespeare in the park to going to the Golf Dome. My wife's a huge golfer. So, you know, going to the Golf.
[00:18:28] Speaker D: Dome and spending some time, you know.
[00:18:29] Speaker C: Playing some virtual golf, it doesn't really.
[00:18:32] Speaker D: Matter about what the activity is, but what it is is that it gives.
[00:18:35] Speaker C: It gave both of us an opportunity to learn and a little bit more about what the other person likes. And then even if we didn't care for it too much, we also then are showing that I care enough about you to spend this time with you. And so I think when we start to look at, you know, what does it look like to be masculine today? It's about being, having that connection. It's about understanding that connection is more than just bringing home bacon and being there to, to, you know, to take care of the children.
[00:19:11] Speaker D: Those are all important pieces.
[00:19:13] Speaker C: But even more important is being able to dive deeper into understanding each other. Because remember, we were doing all this stuff in the early days, weren't we? Like, we were just doing everything. And then as life settles in, we.
[00:19:26] Speaker D: Tend to forget what. How important it is for us to stay connected.
[00:19:30] Speaker C: And so for me, I think the. One of the most powerful things is really gain an opportunity to spend time with my wife, to be able to see and nurture the reactions that brings her joy. Because guess what? In the end, it does that the same for me.
[00:19:47] Speaker A: Yes.
In looking at some of the stuff that you have online with your services and Your groups. It seems like you focus quite a bit on the hero's journey or the hero's quest.
Give me a sense of what that means to you.
[00:20:07] Speaker C: Yeah, I think we have.
[00:20:10] Speaker D: We're all living our own hero's quest.
[00:20:13] Speaker C: That's the moment that we're born to, the moment that we're no longer on this planet, but every day within our lives, we are also having smaller quests, these smaller opportunities to learn and grow. And so if you're familiar with, with the work, with this work and the hero's journey, you'll know that we start our lives or we start in our processes. It's a job, for example, in that aspect, or a career or business. And everything seems to be firing on all cylinders, everything's going well, but then life throws you a curveball.
And so then it's about, how are you going to respond to that curveball? How are you going to. What are you going to do?
[00:20:55] Speaker D: And that's when there's opportunities for you.
[00:20:57] Speaker C: To find a mentor to get opportunity to grow and change and learn. And then you'll face trials and tribulations.
[00:21:04] Speaker D: You learn these new skills and you.
[00:21:06] Speaker C: Put them into play. And they may not always work out, but you finally get a test, the real test of your mettle, basically, to see if you're ready to change and evolve. And that happens in our lives all the time. And so my work really focuses on men and helping them look at, is it their personal life that's struggling? Is it their business or career?
Is it their relationships that struggling? Those are the three biggest areas that men will struggle. And when that is happening, we can.
[00:21:37] Speaker D: Start to go on that hero's journey together and start to understand how did.
[00:21:41] Speaker C: They get to where they're at. I always believe that men are ready to change when we're ready to admit to take responsibility for three things, for where we are. Because guess what?
[00:21:54] Speaker D: Every thought, every decision, every action has.
[00:21:56] Speaker C: Led you to exactly where you are today. It's not an accident. So take responsibility for that. We have a baseline now. Take responsibility for who you are.
[00:22:06] Speaker D: I was the guy that made those.
[00:22:07] Speaker C: Choices, those decisions, those actions. Yes, I'm responsible for this. And then finally, take responsibility for who you aspire to become. So what's the kind of man that I need to become to change in order to live life differently, in order to raise the level that I'm showing up as a husband and a father and a leader? I think that is such a powerful story that each of us has to share. And so when we get to dive into it. It's really, you know, my most joy is seeing guys tell their story. And it's usually a story of despair.
[00:22:41] Speaker D: And they're falling and they're falling down.
[00:22:43] Speaker C: And they need help. And then seeing them work through that and then rise to be better men than they were when they came in. And that's why I think for me, the hero's journey is such a powerful framework to do men's work in.
[00:22:59] Speaker A: Yeah, I totally see that. And the idea of the hero's journey resonates with me too. I'm a huge Marvel superhero nerd myself.
And some of the most interesting heroes were one time villains, you know, and some of the most powerful heroes started out as antagonists or they were just immature and they didn't know what to do with their power. Like, do any of those themes and issues come into your work as well?
[00:23:33] Speaker C: Absolutely. I thank you for bringing up the idea of the, the superheroes and that and that genre. We are the protagonist and the antagonist in our life, are we not?
Our lives unfold because we take action and then we can be our worst enemy. You know, if we have fixed a mindset, if we have negative beliefs or limiting beliefs about who we are or how things will unfold, if we have, if we still prescribe to values that are no longer serving us, those are all.
[00:24:11] Speaker D: That's the antagonist within us.
[00:24:14] Speaker C: You know, other guys talk about it as the shadow, that part of us that we don't like to look at, whatever it is that you want to call. But I truly believe that we are both those and they come into play. And I think that's the, this. The idea is that they will always be in play. We get, you know, going back to the idea of healthy, you know, being a healthy masculine. It's about understanding when they're in, when the antagonist is in play and what the lessons that this, that he's trying to teach us to teach me and what, what is that lesson? And then how can I take that lesson and integrate it and be better? So for example, as I started to do this men's work, one of the things I was not very good at.
[00:24:57] Speaker D: Was standing up for myself to my.
[00:24:58] Speaker C: Wife, that I would use the adage of, well, what is it? If we get into an argument?
[00:25:03] Speaker D: What is this going to mean in.
[00:25:05] Speaker C: A year from now? It's not going to mean anything now. While that may be a great way to not get into an argument, it's also poor. The antagonist side of that is he's.
[00:25:18] Speaker D: Limiting me from Standing up for what.
[00:25:20] Speaker C: I want or what I believe in.
[00:25:22] Speaker D: So how does my wife truly know.
[00:25:24] Speaker C: Who I am if I don't ever have a. Have something to stand for?
And so the moment that I started to, to challenge her in terms of whether I want. I'm a big book buyer. I just love books. And so I buy books. And she'll, to this day just. Al, do you need another book?
Well, it's not about needing another book. Even if I get one idea out of this, it will serve us, it will serve me, it will serve somebody. And so, so I get the book. Whereas before I would have said, yeah, you're probably right, hon, I shouldn't, you know, I won't spend the 20 bucks to get the book.
[00:26:05] Speaker D: It's a different conversation today.
[00:26:06] Speaker C: I stand up and I use something.
[00:26:08] Speaker D: As simple as buying a book.
[00:26:09] Speaker C: Because when I talk about this in my men's work and in other circles.
[00:26:14] Speaker D: Sometimes we think we're going to go.
[00:26:15] Speaker C: Out and yeah, Al is right. And then you're going to go address the big elephant in the room in your relationship. That's probably not the first thing to go address.
Try something that's smaller. Buying a book, something else that's a.
[00:26:29] Speaker D: Pet peeve, that isn't going to rock.
[00:26:31] Speaker C: The foundation of your relationship, but it gives you an opportunity to practice standing up for yourself and standing up and saying, no, I really want to do this, and this is why I'd like to do it. This is how I. And this is how I think it, how I think it's going to benefit.
[00:26:46] Speaker D: You may come to a point where.
[00:26:47] Speaker C: You agree to disagree. Whether Al needs another book, that's neither here nor there. The point is the, is the practice of being able to communicate. And I think when we do these things and we get willing to be messy in the relationship and practice, then we start to build a really solid foundation about who we are as men. And that raises the trust level for our spouses because they know that we're clear about who we are and what our mission and purpose is.
[00:27:20] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think that the idea of being the hero of one's own story is something that comes pretty naturally to men.
But I've heard from women I've spoken with lately that oftentimes women feel invisible or they feel like they're not even a, an important character in their own story, let alone the absolute hero of the story.
And that, you know, when I, when I heard that, I, it didn't surprise me, but it was not something that I immediately related to Because I'm a guy, and of course, I'm the hero of my own story.
But is part of being a hero also empowering the people around us, specifically, you know, our spouse or someone that we're in a relationship with so that they can feel more like the hero of their own story? And so that we're not always taking up all the oxygen in the room and that it's not always about us, you know, like, how can we, as mentioned again, find a balance and empower the people around us to also feel important?
[00:28:36] Speaker C: Yeah, that's a great question. I think the key about that is. And you mentioned taking all the oxygen in the room is to not do that when we can be aware of. Because one of the things is you're doing. As you start to do personal work, you'll recognize that if you recognize that you're a doormat or you're a nice guy, and so you want to be.
[00:28:57] Speaker D: A bit more assertive, but you're assertive.
[00:28:59] Speaker C: Is, you know, could turn into being a little bit more aggressive where it's all about you.
I think what's.
[00:29:05] Speaker D: What's the key distinction there is to make sure that the conversation that you're.
[00:29:09] Speaker C: Having is with your spouse is what's important to her. With your kids, what's important to them. Not that they're. That the kids run the rural home, but they also get an opportunity to.
[00:29:22] Speaker D: To sit in that seat of power.
[00:29:25] Speaker C: They get an opportunity to. To reflect and to talk about things. And then I think that's where, as men, we can use our logistical mindset, our analytical aspects of ourselves to really help foster that growth. How can I support my wife?
If my wife wanted to go to school today, that would be a great.
[00:29:48] Speaker D: Opportunity for me to show her that.
[00:29:50] Speaker C: I can support her on this journey. And so it's giving her that.
[00:29:55] Speaker D: That space, that time.
[00:29:56] Speaker C: And I think that's really key. It's re. It's really about being aware of what's the. What is important to our wives and our children in. In their lives, and then how can we foster that in that thing for them so they get to spend. Have that moment where they get to be that hero. Because truly, we are all heroes in our. In our lives. And I'm not surprised to hear that women feel like that. I think that's a societal issue. This idea of all Blame Disney on it, this idea of the damsel in distress all the time, and I just don't believe that's definitely not my wife. I was attracted to my wife because she was solid, independent woman.
She knew what she wanted in life and, and she went after it. And so I think this idea of raising our kids to believe that, you know, girls are these damsel in distress and they need a man to support those lives, which is why I think a big part of the, the feminist movement, you know, really latched onto. Whereas instead it's about a partnership.
You know, if you want to go fast in life, go alone, you want to go far, you got to go with others. That means having a partner to grow with in life. Having, you know, raising a family, you know, building a community goes much further if we're all in it together than one person with the shovel in their hand.
[00:31:23] Speaker A: Yeah, let's, let's add another layer in if we can. What role does spirituality or faith have for you in your work and in your mindset and sort of how you approach these things?
[00:31:44] Speaker C: It plays a huge role. I think it's, you know, for me, I always say in, you know, there are three. All relationships are a three legged stool. This three legged stool, our spirituality, how we come show up. The other is financial, how that is.
[00:31:59] Speaker D: Happening in our relationships.
[00:32:01] Speaker C: And the final is, is from a, from a sexual perspective. But let's stay with. Because you're asking about spiritual. I'm a big, I'm a huge believer in that. Anything that happens in life happens through the grace of God.
It is work that happens through us.
God acting through us as us. Now really clear on that. I'm not saying that I am God. I'm saying God is acting through me and as me. How does that show up? When you get inspiration and then you take action on that inspiration, that is God or whatever, however you choose to, to call, to call him or it is acting on, on your behalf. And so take that, be set on that opportunity, intuition, that little voice that says, hey, maybe you should, you should call this guy or to do, take some form of action. And then you take that action. You know, in our work, my men's work here, one of the things that we go, the first thing that we take the guys through is writing their own life mission statement, their own purpose statement. And when they're done that one of the last exercise I have them do is a visioning exercise. I didn't create the visioning process. I was done by Michael Beckwith with the Agape Spiritual center there in, I think he's in LA.
And it's a meditation.
[00:33:28] Speaker D: It's a 18 minute meditation.
[00:33:30] Speaker C: It asks five or six key questions for us to help us Become connected more with spirit, with God, so that everything can work through us and as us. And when we get an opportunity to slow down. Because one of the things that as men were pretty good at is doing things, just getting things done and we're not always great at being.
[00:33:52] Speaker D: And so this is an opportunity for.
[00:33:54] Speaker C: Us to really focus on that last part of being responsible for, for who we aspire to become and really meditating on and what that looks like and asking some key questions about what it is and what's important for us in our life to unfold. What am I willing to let go of, what am I willing to accept?
And then we start to make change. And so I think spiritual spirituality and spirit is so key in all our lives. And if we think that we're doing this all on our own, I think we're kidding ourselves.
[00:34:30] Speaker A: It almost sounded like you're asking what's worthwhile.
That, of course, is a question that I, you know, think about all the time in the context of this podcast.
Hey, what are you excited about these days? What do you got coming up? Like what, what is new and different or you know, on the, on deck for you? What, what, what are you excited about?
[00:34:57] Speaker C: Yeah, you know what, that's a, that's a great question. What I'm really excited about is exploring the idea of writing a book.
[00:35:04] Speaker A: Ah.
[00:35:05] Speaker C: And so the last few months I've been, you know, toying with a couple different pieces of software, helping me, you know, really get a handle on the idea of the book. Like I have the idea of the book. And so I've was a. One of the first books I read coming out of my, coming out of my divorce was OG Mandino's the University of Success. I have it on the, on the counter here with me. It's by me all the time. And what I love about OG's work is his other books, like Greatest Salesman in the World. And they're just short little 150 page books and they give you, you know, a little, little takeaway lesson to go do. And they're fable. So much like Robin Sharma is today. I would suggest Robin's probably today's version of og.
And so I like that idea of taking one aspect of what it means to be a man and a virtue and writing a series of books like that that, you know, that teenagers could read. But men would read it and get a lot out of it. So would women. They could read it and get a lot out of it. And so I'm really toying with this idea of tackling a book for next year and so putting all the pieces together and then sitting down and taking a big breath and a deep gulp and start pounding away on the keyboard.
[00:36:27] Speaker A: Yeah, no, that sounds exciting.
How can, how can people learn more? How can they find your work? How can they get in touch with you online, all of those things?
[00:36:43] Speaker C: Absolutely. The best way to get ahold of me is go to theawakened man.net that's the website. And on the website you're going to see a pop up come and show up there. And I have a free exercise for you to take away. It's for anybody. It's called setting the compass. The idea of it is there's a few five or six questions in there to help you write a headline about what the last 12 months of your life has been like.
In that same exercise, I'm going to ask you similar questions. What would you like the next 12.
[00:37:14] Speaker D: Months to look like and write that headline?
[00:37:17] Speaker C: It's an opportunity for you to start.
[00:37:19] Speaker D: To embody the things, the behaviors, how.
[00:37:22] Speaker C: It is that you need to show.
[00:37:23] Speaker D: Up if you want your life to be different.
[00:37:25] Speaker C: It gives you a taste, a flavor of kind of work we do here.
[00:37:28] Speaker D: At the Awakened Man.
[00:37:29] Speaker C: And I'm sure you're going to get a ton of value from that. So just go to the website, the awakened man.net.
[00:37:37] Speaker A: Fantastic.
Well, Alan, thank you so much for taking the time and to come onto the podcast to talk to me. Like, like I was saying, I think your work is so important today. It feels like men just get all kinds of mixed messages coming at them from every direction.
And I feel like men have more of a responsibility, if anything, to show up and to be leaders in their lives and in their relationships.
So I really like your approach and had a great time talking to you tonight. Thanks for coming.
[00:38:23] Speaker C: Thank you so much, Ramsey. I really enjoyed our conversation as well.
[00:38:27] Speaker B: All right, thank you for asking. What's worthwhile? Visit whatsworthwhile.net to learn more about me, Ramsey Zimmerman, and please provide your name and email. To become a supporter, I'm asking for prayer advice, feedback and connections. The what's Worthwhile podcast is on Spotify, Apple, iHeart and Amazon. You can also
[email protected] thanks.
[00:38:55] Speaker A: WA.
